Yeah I know, I've been somewhat quiet of late. I'm not as interesting as you may think. The only mildly interesting thing I've done lately (other than get drunk and watch football, which for people who aren't with you at the time or don't like football is seldom interesting) I went iceskating with a student and some of her pals. I initially declined as I though I'd fall flat on my face, quite literally, but when I went along and gave it a try, it actually went pretty well. I discovered, too, that it's pretty cheap if you go there in unpopular hours, so I pledged to return and improve. In an hour, I managed to go from barely moving to a fair pace, so I was very pleased. Didn't fall over once, either - which is good as I had nothing but T-shirt and jeans on, so a fall could have been a little painful.

But I digress. I have done little else that's been new and interesting (understandable: after a week or so, every day's an adventure - now I'm settled, so not so much) so I thought I'd do something I'd been thinking of doing for a while: Ten Things I've Discovered From Living In Ukraine/Kyiv.

1. They have some interesting superstitions - They have the usual stuff about black cats and smashing mirrors, but some real odd ones too. For example, don't take your rubbish out at night, a single woman sitting at the corner of the dinner table won't get married... but there are two that I really like. One is that when you buy flowers for people, they must be an odd number for living people, even number for dead people. So if you buy a woman a hundred red roses, expect them to chuck one away before thanking you. Second, Ukrainians don't whistle. Seriously. They think that if you whistle, you lose money. Try whistling around Ukrainians, you'll get an interesting reaction. Either they get narked by it, or they just laugh and think, "well, he can lose his money..."

2. They love pistachios, ice cream and, at the footy, sunflower seeds - Not all at once, but it's true: go to any party and you're guaranteed pistachios. Ice cream is in abundance too, and the amount of sunflower seed bits littering Dynamo Stadium is a little annoying.

3. Russian doesn't have a word for 'go' - I'm serious. In Russian, as in English, they have a myriad of verbs for describing motion via different means - the equivalent to our 'walk, ride, drive' etc. However, unlike pretty much every language I've ever seen, they don't have a single unifying word to mean "when something moves from one place to another". For the learner, it's a pain in the arse. I still don't know any of the "movement" verbs, and surely 'go' is one of the most basic words in any language: I know it in at least 5 languages. Come on Russophones, sort it out: have a bloody 'go'.

4. Ukrainians know nothing about business - at the risk of sounding racist, Ukrainians just do not have a clue when it comes to any kind of business-related venture. Seriously. Think I'm kidding? Well, I came prepared. Go to a PC shop, and buying something is an extraordinary chore: after getting a guy's attention (as they never come to help you), point to the item (concealed behind glass) and he'll get another guy who'll ask you the same question. Then another guy will come to write that down and tell you to go to the cashier and pay. After you pay, yet another man will fetch your item from the back room (or in my case, just take it out of the glass case) and give it to you. So, that's around 5-6 people doing a single person's job. I'm sure if you pointed this out to the owners they wouldn't realise how inefficient this is. I have more: [removed] at work told us all of a time when a large party of people from the school went to a struggling club/bar and, sitting outside, asked if they could put two tables together (as there were enough people in the group to fill two tables). They said they could, but only if they paid 50 UAH extra. And this is when the place was virtually empty. No wonder they went out of business shortly after. Wait! There's more: when someone else at work tried to buy a bulk amount of stuff, they actually tried to charge him MORE. From what I've heard, BOGOF and two-for-one type deals are completely unheard of here, and something like that shows. And even more: I was under the impression that Slavic languages didn't have a word for 'customer service', and I've not exactly been disproved in my time here. The worst offender that I've seen is probably Mamamia Pizza (which we still keep going to, natch) who when asked if they do pepperoni pizzas come back with a simple "No". This has been the same answer for months: those pepperoni boats from Italy sure take a long time. Furthermore, we once ordered pizzas for around ten of us - so, around five pizzas-ish - and the vegetarian in our group ended up waiting a couple of hours. Turns out they just kinda forgot about him. Only constant barracking from one of our garrilous [is that a real word? Ed.] Ukrainians did the trick, but non-speaking foreigners would be screwed. Oh yeah, and on Friday they weren't serving pizzas. Why? No cheese. Riiight. Do you think the gormless staff care? What, make more work for themselves, at the risk of losing customers? You kidding? Basically, the list goes on, but all in all, Ukrainian businessmen need to take a trip to Western Europe or the USA and realise their lack of business sense. It's shocking.

5. The price difference between markets and shops is so vast that you yearn for a middle ground - There's a whole kaleidoscope of different price ranges in the UK for clothes, in particular, from cheap-n-chavvy to cheap-n-nifty to good quality but not so cheap to the effing ridiculous. Kyiv has but two, the first and the last. It makes clothes shopping a tad frustrating. I don't really want to pay £20 for a T-shirt, but I don't really want to buy a crappy one for £2 either. But that's pretty much your choice. In the adidas shop, new Dynamo Kyiv shirts will set you back over £50 - more than you'd pay for a Man Utd shirt, in Old Trafford. It became pretty clear when I bought a nice warm hat for 30 UAH, then saw a similar one in the Nike shop for 300 UAH. Granted, I'm looking on one of the most expensive shops on Kyiv's equivalent of Oxford Street, but damn, you just yearn for a Primark.

6. Marshrutki are awesome - Why don't we have these in England? Why can't I dart around London in an over-packed minibus which'll stop when I like and cost 20p? Why oh why? Though that latter concern is something that shocks Ukrainians. A quick check on the Transport for London website gives single fares on the Tube at between £1.60 and £2.20 off-peak (with an Oyster card - £4.00 without) depending which zone you're travelling in. On the Kyiv Metro, you can travel wherever you like, as far as you like, and change to any of the three lines, for the equivalent of 20p. Given that they were pretty hacked off with the price increase - from 5p to 20p - they really ought to know that they've still got it bloody good. Oh yeah, and marshrutki are great, too.

7. The Metro is damn loud - Right, I've been on metro-type rail systems in London, Tyne & Wear, Paris, Berlin, Washington DC, Boston, New York and now, Kyiv, and this is easily the loudest. You must shout at the guy standing next to you for him to hear you. I generally like the Metro, but there's a few things that could be better, starting with the noise, obviously. Then there's the fact that they're buried deep underground - in the case of Arsenalna, 102 metres, the deepest station in the world. That means it takes bloody ages to get in and out, especially out (going up, you don't wanna walk it). Other than that, it's not that bad really, and some of the stations are a lot more eye-catching than the bland fare seen on most Metro systems.

8. Animal rights didn't really take off here - Fake or not, the amount of fur seen on women at the moment is alarming: coats, boots, hats... I've seen some stuff that hasn't been seen in England since the late 80s, since animal fur kinda went out of fashion along with fox hunting. Not here, though! Thing is, even though it's suddenly dropped to zero (again) it never gets so cold that fur is a logical option. It's clearly a fashion thing in downtown Kyiv. The ladies certainly dress to impress. I don't think four-inch heels are the most suitable snow-going wear.

9. Cheburashka! - Yes, this little furry critter is famous in Ukraine, and across the Soviet Union (there was even a picture of him in Pripyat). He starred in a few Soviet cartoons in the old days, and as you can imagine, Soviets didn't have much else to watch, so he became a legend. Click here to see all of the cartoons with poor English subtitles (well, the first one is only around half complete). In particular, note the 'Birthday Song' in the second cartoon: EVERY Ukrainian knows this song.

10. Ukrainians are really, really nice people! - I've said this before, of course, but other than the tossers who work in retail establishments, Ukrainians really are wonderful people. Their language means they can be much more direct than the English, but that's seldom a problem, at least once you get used to it. Whether it's the people who work at the school or random guys and girls I meet on the streets, they're always the most warm and welcoming people I've met. They even say "enjoy your meal" if they see you eating - even if it's a Pot Noodle. My life here would be harder without them. Besides, I have to kiss their arses after slagging off their country...